Because certain folks have been asking for it, I guess I'll share my signature holiday recipe:
One 16oz can hershey's chocolate syrup
1 large tub of marshmallow fluff
2 lbs of butter
one 8 oz package slivered almonds
one quart of bourbon whiskey (old crow is best)
1 loaf of Hawaiian sweet bread
1 teaspoon imitation vanilla extract
Directions: Preheat oven to 375 degrees. mix all ingredients listed above in a large metal mixing bowl. Eat mixture. Prepare a plastic five gallon bucket with fresh cedar shavings. Set broken toilet seat atop bucket, sit on seat for the entire length of one full bowel movement. Wipe. Set toilet paper aside for later use. Now carefully roll all fecal matter into cedar shavings, molding it into log shapes, and being sure to cover them completely in the cedar shavings. Leave any leftover cedar shavings remaining in the bucket for future use. If you still have a girlfriend at this point, you will need to get rid of her. Invite any remaining friends to fuck off and die. Quit your job, stop paying for electricity, water, and gas. Invest any remaining money in adult baby wipes. Go outside, bury all of your dreams in a little hole in the back yard. Join a noise forum.
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