bread

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fire
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bread

Post by fire » Sun May 31, 2015 1:19 am

easy to make and impress your friends

use good flour, organic if possible because the texture will be better

never use cheap flour or old flour, old flour can break down and will not make dough no matter how hard you try, cheap flour tastes like shit

water must be free of chlorine, which kills yeast, if your tap water is shit, use bottled spring water, NEVER BUY OR CONSUME DISTILLED WATER

sea salt will give the best flavor

yeast must be alive, use fresh

START THE YEAST
in your bowl, put a little water that feels just warm, not hot, stir in yeast
it should foam up in a few minutes
if it doesnt foam, your yeast is dead
try again, make sure the water is not too hot or cold
if you still dont get foam, your yeast is bad

when yeast foams, pour in remaining water
using a whisk, blend in flour until a batter forms

dump a half cup of flour on the batter, then salt on that
salt kills yeast, so it goes in after some flour to avoid mixing into the water

using a spoon now, stir in flour until a dough forms
stir in as much flour as possible before kneading
drier dough is easier to work with
but dont get it too dry or its ruined

knead the dough until smooth, a few minutes usually
look it up on youtube if you need kneading help

put dough back in bowl and cover
refrigerate for 12 hours at least
this is the most important part
your bread will be lifeless and unimpressive if you skip this step

the dough will be bubbly and smell strong
this is good dough

TO COOK
remove from fridge and punch down dough
it will be a gooey mess, i scrape it down the sides and reform it into a ball, be gentle, dont stretch or tear the dough, you will ruin the gluten structure and your bread will be crumbly

allow the dough to warm and rise, may take a few hours
remove dough and form a ball, put in baking pan, oil pan if needed
i use a ceramic pan, works great and no oil needed

allow the dough to rise again, until doubled in size

preheat the oven at least half an hour before baking,
your bread will suck if you dont

bake at around 350F for about an hour, until it smells done and sounds hollow when tapped

resist the urge to eat hot fresh bread,
it is still cooking and you could fuck it up

let it cool until just warm or longer

this doesnt apply to rolls, eat those hot

for one loaf or about 16 rolls, start with 1-1/4 cups water
use two teaspoons yeast
two teaspoons salt
enough flour to make dough
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xdugef
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Post by xdugef » Sun May 31, 2015 6:43 am

Got any that's carb free?

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fire
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Post by fire » Tue Jun 02, 2015 6:39 am

no
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fire
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Post by fire » Thu Sep 03, 2015 7:24 am

been killin the bread lately, up next is bagels

basically the same dough, just different processing.

bagel dough is stiff, drier, not as sticky, which just means more flour less water. after the dough sits overnight in the fridge you make the bagels.

keep them uniform by dividing the dough, i use a large knife and cut it in half. dont tear the dough, it will ruin the gluten bonds and your bread will be crumbly. take half the dough and continue halfing it until the chunks are "bagel sized". i get about eight bagels per cup of water used in the dough.

gently roll a chunk into a ball, then squeeze the edges of the ball through your fingers with one hand while catching with the other, assuming you have two hands. the idea here is to pinch down as the ball falls through, stretching the skin of the dough tight around the ball. do this a few times to set the skin, which means the dough becomes less sticky on the outside. you are gently pulling the dough inside out as you do this which builds gluten fibers and homogenizes the lump for the next step.

now flatten your ball a little and with your thumbs push through the middle until you have a hole. gently stretch the "doughnut" so the hole is well expanded, then set on a floured board. if your dough is good, the hole will shrink back up pretty quick and even more when done rising

let those sit in the fridge for a while, until puffed up.

now the secret magic part. get a large pot of water boiling. put in some salt and a few tablespoons of baking soda. this makes the skin leathery and develops the proper bagel texture. now boil some bagels, just enough to float in the pot. be careful with the dough, dont deflate it while putting in the water. i just slide them in off the boards. 30 seconds on the first side and about a minute after flipping them. fetch them out with a slotted spoon or similar and set on a towel to blot dry. add seeds or onion or whatever to the tops at this point.

to bake, i use a pizza stone, but a metal cooking sheet may work. the only problem is sticking. cooking temp needs to be hot, like 475 or higher. takes about 12 minutes to brown up nice.
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Sleep Of Ages
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Post by Sleep Of Ages » Thu Sep 03, 2015 1:48 pm

I wish I liked anything as you like bread.
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SLEEP OF AGES (Industrial, Harsh Noise, PE)
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fire
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Post by fire » Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:52 pm

actually, i hate making bread, its boring, hard work and it hurts my back and hands. but i also hate store bought bread and i hate going without. and i hate the store, get my flour through the mail. im pretty sad, really.
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Post by xdugef » Tue Sep 08, 2015 9:55 am

fire wrote:actually, i hate making bread, its boring, hard work and it hurts my back and hands. but i also hate store bought bread and i hate going without. and i hate the store, get my flour through the mail. im pretty sad, really.
well that's another reason to stop eating bread.. I get alot through the mail too

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fire
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Post by fire » Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:08 pm

cant stop eating bread, its an addiction, even meat is easier to give up, but cheese is the hardest.

just try not eating any milk product for one day. yeah, the Asians have its easy, but us fat westerners are hooked. i bet heroin is easier to kick.

eventually i hope to be a breatharian, getting all my calories from the air, you know, like when you smell food, shit, the local burger king puts out thousands of wasted calories each day alone, a little pranayama and im ready to go.
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Post by xdugef » Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:19 pm

fire wrote:eventually i hope to be a breatharian, getting all my calories from the air, you know, like when you smell food, shit, the local burger king puts out thousands of wasted calories each day alone, a little pranayama and im ready to go.
True.. I heard recently that you basically breath out all the fat you "burn" in the form of carbon dioxide molecules.. just shotgun the breath from some slob eating at Fatburger and you're set!

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fire
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Post by fire » Tue Sep 08, 2015 2:20 pm

i just went to the county fair, i think i inhaled 2500 calories at the midway, fried goodness
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Claud601
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Post by Claud601 » Wed Sep 09, 2015 5:57 am

YOLO!

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fire
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Post by fire » Wed Sep 09, 2015 7:10 am

YOLO FOREVER
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