Tell me about your day...

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xdugef
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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by xdugef » Fri May 05, 2017 10:21 am

fire wrote:
Fri May 05, 2017 10:13 am
sorry, that was confusing, i meant the guy, not the dog
D'oh! I get that now..

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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by ¼ dead » Fri May 05, 2017 12:50 pm

Ugh. Poor dog. Poor everybody. That's very disappointing to hear. I guess the tarnished silver lining, if I insist on looking for one, is that it's over for the dog. Still, shit all around.

I've lost two pets in the last 7-8 months myself, and I'm still a bit fucked up about it, though getting on with life. Still, I've been more upset about the animals than my own grandma, despite what a pathetic situation her death was, and how much family dysfunction I witnessed in her hospital room on the day she put herself into a morphine-induced coma and fizzled away with people literally bickering over her bed as she flat-lined. The same fucking day we were driving I don't know how many hours from Huntsville, AL to fucking Topeka, KS to visit her, no less. Saw some awesome Art Deco architecture passing through KC, though, so that was cool.

I've been more upset about the animals dying than my own dad, even. I'm not an antisocial piece of shit, honestly. My relatives are just mostly horrible people. I hadn't seen my dad in years. I was more or less totally estranged from him for 4-5 years prior to his death. But I'm sure everyone on his side of the family hates me and thinks I'm scum for showing up the following Xmas after he died. I'm sure they all thought, "too little, too late, fuckhole!" :roll:

Moral of the story: Don't get attached to anyone or anything! It makes coping with loss that much simpler. :idea:

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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by fire » Fri May 05, 2017 2:45 pm

family is just people you wouldnt otherwise associate with, fuck em

my family has mostly been dogs, never easy when they die, we have lost three dogs in the last year, one just two weeks ago, she was 14, worst dog we ever had but still miss her
Don't get attached to anyone or anything! It makes coping with loss that much simpler
tried that, didnt work... ironically, the opposite seems to be true, you must see your attachment to everything, immersed in life so completely that you are only grateful, never sad(sounds gay, i know)

love is the real fucker, for to love one must hate, in the abstract that hate becomes the pain of death or loss, so the more you love something the more you hate its loss

gratitude>love
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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by xdugef » Fri May 05, 2017 2:51 pm

fire wrote:
Fri May 05, 2017 2:45 pm
my family has mostly been dogs, never easy when they die, we have lost three dogs in the last year, one just two weeks ago, she was 14, worst dog we ever had but still miss her
My dog is getting old.. he's done well despite some serious health issues.. I expect his health will just rapidly deteriorate at some point in the not so distant future and I hate the idea of having to euthanize him. I hope he just passes away in his sleep or something. :cry:

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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by fire » Fri May 05, 2017 10:05 pm

xdugef wrote:
Fri May 05, 2017 2:51 pm
My dog is getting old.. he's done well despite some serious health issues.. I expect his health will just rapidly deteriorate at some point in the not so distant future and I hate the idea of having to euthanize him. I hope he just passes away in his sleep or something. :cry:
yeah, sucks, hope for the best
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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by xdugef » Sat May 06, 2017 6:17 am

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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by ¼ dead » Sun May 07, 2017 6:43 am

fire wrote:
Fri May 05, 2017 2:45 pm
family is just people you wouldnt otherwise associate with, fuck em

my family has mostly been dogs, never easy when they die, we have lost three dogs in the last year, one just two weeks ago, she was 14, worst dog we ever had but still miss her
Don't get attached to anyone or anything! It makes coping with loss that much simpler
tried that, didnt work... ironically, the opposite seems to be true, you must see your attachment to everything, immersed in life so completely that you are only grateful, never sad(sounds gay, i know)

love is the real fucker, for to love one must hate, in the abstract that hate becomes the pain of death or loss, so the more you love something the more you hate its loss

gratitude>love
I feel like it warrants saying that I didn't hate my dad. I felt basically nothing for him, though. In a lot of ways, he was a complete enigma to me. The older I get, the more I realize just how big a role he played in shaping who I am, for better or for worse. As much of him as I see in myself, though, I still feel like I never really knew him, apart from what he allowed to come out, or what slipped out after too many bourbon-and-cokes, or what I saw in his weirdly detached, robotic attempts at expressing affection while sober. He had a lot of admirable/inspiring "qualities" and aptitudes. He could build anything. He built the first house I lived in, and he was an exceptionally good cook with diverse and exotic tastes. In general, he had a kind of creativity and non-conformist outlook that belied the darker side of himself that I think he tried to keep locked away by being sullen and detached and drinking constantly. He was a complicated mess, neither good or bad. He was full of so many weird contradictions. I think he was kind of sick. But a perpetrator as much as he was a victim. What am I supposed to feel? Whatever it is, I still feel neutral. The years of estrangement certainly contributed to this, though.

It's a similar story with a lot of my dad's side of the family. They're not intrinsically bad people, but they're very hard to talk to. A lot of them are varyingly uptight, passive aggressive personalities who try to hide their own darkness and dysfunction behind a veneer of stern quietude or contrived gentility that I find totally suffocating. My mom's side of the family, on the other hand, are a lot more bawdy and unpretentious, but also a lot more overtly narcissistic, manipulative, destructive and/or unkind. I don't hate (nearly) any of them on either side, but I can't help feeling like they all secretly resent the fact that I'm too much like either side of the family, and not enough like them. I can hardly take being around any of them for extended periods for this reason alone. But I feel guilty about essentially blowing them all off because of it. They're not monsters (by and large), or all equally as bad as the worst individuals. And, even if they were, who am I to judge?

I actually really like some of my relatives. I feel like a lot of them that I've had the most genial interactions with believe I've rejected them, and probably can't understand why. They probably also don't understand that it has as much to do with my own personal dysfunction as it does with their collective dysfunction and their suffocating extremes on both sides. A lot of my reasons for avoiding family gatherings stems from my own anxiety about living up to everyone's expectations, and about feeling judged by so many of them. About being around people in general. About how well or how long I can fake it in front of them. About the drive over. About everything. That's on both of us, not one or the other. I don't suppose any of this is particularly unique to me, though. Especially from the perspective of someone who has chosen a majority of non-human animals as his family. I mostly just wanted to clear the air. To avoid the possibility of creating a false narrative where I've suffered immensely at the hands of my horrible, abusive family. Or that they're all complete scumfucs or something, as opposed to regular, run-of-the-mill difficult, dysfunctional human beings. Human beings who, by circumstance, I'm obligated to spend time around where I probably wouldn't otherwise.

Lastly, that whole "don't get attached to stuff" statement was just my lame, half-serious attempt at edgy posturing. I don't really consider it a legitimate answer to coping with loss. I don't think it's even possible for someone who isn't a sociopath, frankly. Though I haven't got anything else substantial to add, I do think it's worth acknowledging that everything you've said in the second part of your response totally resonates with me. I've come to a lot of similar conclusions myself in the last few years.

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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by fire » Sun May 07, 2017 7:22 am

creating a false narrative where I've suffered immensely at the hands of my horrible, abusive family. Or that they're all complete scumfucs or something, as opposed to regular, run-of-the-mill difficult, dysfunctional human beings. Human beings who, by circumstance, I'm obligated to spend time around where I probably wouldn't otherwise.
i dont think your posts come off that way, what you describe seems pretty common, just watch a sitcom, sorry not trying to be a dick, but they get those characters from real life

it took me a while to appreciate the lessons i learned from those i didnt like, just like being at school, seems like worthless drudgery until you need that information, and to be clear, the lessons i refer to are among the spiritual, social interactions we all have everyday

when surfing, you first paddle out past the breakers, you find a place to watch the pattern of swells, waiting and learning the pattern, good waves are only 1 in 7 most times, the other 6 fizzle out, you can ride them but they are short and disappointing, so you observe, positioning for the next big one, other surfers see a big swell coming, they paddle like mad trying to jump on it, maybe you cue off them and join in, maybe you say fuck it, eventually though you catch a wave, a good one, because you were patiently positioning yourself, aligning with the wave energy, and using it to your full advantage
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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by Sleep Of Ages » Mon May 08, 2017 5:33 am

Noise rock
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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by ¼ dead » Mon May 08, 2017 6:42 am

fire wrote:
Sun May 07, 2017 7:22 am
what you describe seems pretty common, just watch a sitcom, sorry not trying to be a dick, but they get those characters from real life
That might explain why most sitcoms are complete crap. :chin:
fire wrote:
Sun May 07, 2017 7:22 am
it took me a while to appreciate the lessons i learned from those i didnt like, just like being at school, seems like worthless drudgery until you need that information, and to be clear, the lessons i refer to are among the spiritual, social interactions we all have everyday

when surfing, you first paddle out past the breakers, you find a place to watch the pattern of swells, waiting and learning the pattern, good waves are only 1 in 7 most times, the other 6 fizzle out, you can ride them but they are short and disappointing, so you observe, positioning for the next big one, other surfers see a big swell coming, they paddle like mad trying to jump on it, maybe you cue off them and join in, maybe you say fuck it, eventually though you catch a wave, a good one, because you were patiently positioning yourself, aligning with the wave energy, and using it to your full advantage
I'm too worried about the inevitable sunburn (I have Irish mutant genes. Doesn't take much sunlight to do me in) to wait that patiently on the water, but I get what you're saying.

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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by fire » Mon May 08, 2017 7:13 am

bullshit, anyone who fingers as many patch cables as you have is a saint in making, madness for the rest
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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by ¼ dead » Mon May 08, 2017 7:20 am

I don't know anything about sainthood. I'm just trying to have fun and make things fun for other people without being a grossly, nihilistic hedonist about it. :lol:

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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by fire » Mon May 08, 2017 7:25 am

my point being...

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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by xdugef » Mon May 08, 2017 8:12 am

fire wrote:
Mon May 08, 2017 7:25 am
my point being...

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Good ole puritanical ideologies?

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Re: Tell me about your day...

Post by Sleep Of Ages » Mon May 08, 2017 8:17 am

You guys are off topic, this is not the DISCUSSION thread.
Lawless savages.
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